10 ways to help children get their play back

Op-eds rail against our kids' over-scheduled lives, but they're not offering us any suggestions on how to create a social group for them

Even when parents agree that their kids need to play more, current lifestyles often prevent it from actually happening.There are many studies out there that say today’s kids are all work and no play, despite how essential free play is for children’s growth and well-being. Playing helps children learn self-direction, decision-making skills, self-control, rules, how to manage emotions and how to navigate social situations. Children who don’t play enough tend to lack joy and are sometimes aggressive.

But how do we get them this play? Even when parents agree that their kids need to play more, current lifestyles often prevent it from actually happening.

When we went house hunting in Milwaukee last fall, we felt good about our first choice because we saw toddler-size play sets and slides in back yards around the neighborhood. But I’ve since learned that most of the moms here work outside the home, and except for the afternoons and early evenings, there’s rarely anyone for my kids to play with.

No judgment on those families, who have since become our friends – their kids get to play at day care or in school, and I chose to work from home. But I want something that doesn’t seem to exist anymore: That 1950s style of play where kids had their own world, separate from adults. I’m thinking of the world portrayed in “The Sandlot,” “Now and Then” or “My Girl.” I’m not calling for a return to the kind of detached parenting that predated (and probably caused) the helicopter parent. But I do want that independent style of play back for my children. My older boy is lonely, and so is his mama.

After we had moved into our house, a friend told me about a Meetup group for stay-at-home moms. The group was in such high demand that I was on the waiting list for six months. Once I got in, I paid the annual dues and agreed to terms and conditions, including that we must attend at least one event a month and that we cannot be a no-show to an event we RSVP’d to. We are encouraged to host some of the get-togethers and to help with meals when moms in the group have babies. This group is serious, and I think it’s because there are other stay-at-home or work-at-home moms who want this kind of play for their children, too.

Op-eds rail against our kids’ over-scheduled lives, but they’re not offering us any suggestions on how to create a social group for them. One of the most surprising things I’ve learned about parenting is that making time to play takes hard work.

Does this sound familiar to you?